I'm feeling a furious bitterness after reading this study of how BP destroyed peoples's health and silence popular outrage about the Deepwater oil spill. In my new mental state, even if everyone else forgets, I'll
remember. I can, in fact, hold a grudge, it just depends on who I'm targeting with my rage. Compromise is the opposition of ruthlessness, but how much can I hold in me?
I'm used to anger and rage. I like to say that I don't have any other emotions except for them. I doubt it's true, but Bog Cripes, does it feel like it. (Suddenly, I wonder why I'm still using the euphemisms for religious profanity. If I was real ballsy and wanted to burn some bridges, I wouldn't anymore. God knows I don't do that in my fiction.)
This made me outright bitter and unhappy, paired with the article
about people being test tubes for toxic waste and murderous chemicals. I have a decent idea why I'm feeling that way, and there's a chance I could be closer to alleviating it...
... but in a way, I hope I don't alleviate it. I'm just disgusted with the world right now with the sense that no matter how hard I try, no matter what I do, we're fucked. When the things I see are filled with bare, dead, empty environments, there's something wrong going on. It could be possible that the whole point here is that something wrong is always
That's the worst thought, really. It's no wonder that I flip between "I can't sleep" and "I don't expect to live into tomorrow."
EDIT: Oh, right, include the link. It shows you how unhappy I am. BP covers the spill.